so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
