My cat gives me a boner
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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