If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
