I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize