you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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