Christians are straight up FREAKS
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
