I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
