put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
