my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
so much tequila, so little girl.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
