I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
