her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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