she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
