Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
