if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
