I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
