Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
