haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
