I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize