Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize