girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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