If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
