i was rollin on her like bob the builder
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
