drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
