I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
