I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
