escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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