Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
