Can i not drive my cunt home
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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