i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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