So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
