I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
