To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
