it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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