Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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