All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We have started to decorate penises.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
