I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
