She announced her abortion via fbk
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
