I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Farmville is her only friend.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
