Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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