Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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