The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
