I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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