dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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