so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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