just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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