guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
