there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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