If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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