i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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