I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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