Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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