Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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