someone get that fucking seahorse.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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