ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
