I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
