I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
