'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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