I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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