You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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