based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish I only lived at night.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
