im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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