did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
