We named our party play list daddy issues
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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