I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
