Soap is not a condiment
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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