A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
