I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
