I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
