There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
