the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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