I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
