If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
