If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
