i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
