just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
